yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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