Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
