i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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