She's JV to your varsity
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
