she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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