Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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