i was rollin on her like bob the builder
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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