I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
