i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
