I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm having to shit out rocks
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
