Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
