This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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