Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was confusing and full of hummus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
