Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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