Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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