3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
