I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
