i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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