so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
