You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
