I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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