thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
