I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
