I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
