I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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