me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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