My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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