had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
