that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
