So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
