woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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