i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
