it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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