I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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