dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Less talking, more tequila
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
