one two three fourrrrnication!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
