Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
