I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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