Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
