Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
