Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
