I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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