i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had sex on a dog bed..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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