i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
