cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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