Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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