He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
