i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
