She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
