Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
