yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
