Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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