he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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