you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
