he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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