I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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