Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
