Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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