Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
