maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
