don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
