I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
