I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
