You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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